From my thoughts,  Japan Culture,  Life in Japan.

Why you should ignore the “guides” to dating a Japanese man.

Do you know a big pet peeve of mine? Stereotypes.

Do you know which ones bother me more? Women and Japanese stereotypes.

I recently came across some very shocking (or at least to me they were) guides to dating a Japanese- for foreign women or how to secure a second date with a Japanese man .I found them wrong in so many ways! I came by the first article by chance but then I started researching and found a plethora of them, mostly saying the same things again and again.

Both of my pet peeves reunited in step-by-step guides of “How to disguise your gaijin self in order to not scare away an adult Japanese man”. 

I have been out of the dating game for many years now so I’m no expert but these misconceptions are just degrading for both Japanese men AND foreign women. I find solace in thinking that this kind of article is probably read for fun only and doesn’t really install any kind of weird ideas in women’s brains. I must say I would found a “How to secure a second date with an Spanish woman” article equally eye-roll worthy.

The tips include:

“Not too much make-up”

“But enough make-up”

“Dress girly”

“Don’t ask about his job”

“Don’t get too close” 

“Let him pay”.

This kind of advice sounds very old fashioned and doesn’t fit all the Japanese men tastes.  But it’s the whole “if you want a relationship, fit into the stereotyped Japanese idea of an ideal girlfriend/wife” vibe what really rubs me the wrong way. The whole tone of the articles seemed to say:

He’s doing you a favor going out with you! Don’t scare him away! Just tie him down and then maybe you can wear bright lipstick after you’re married! AND SIT LIKE A LADY GODDAMNIT

What’s the point of coming to other countries, embracing other cultures, and actually creating mixed couples and families if you just shut your side down and don’t add anything to the equation? When in Rome do the Romans yes, but when it comes to a dimension this close and personal, the Romans are YOU. God forbid you put yourself first, do you, and find a soulmate that fits well…you. Who would ever want that!? 

When in Rome do the Romans yes, but when it comes to a dimension this close and personal, the Romans are YOU.

I’m all up for looking your best on the first date, whatever that means – if you like bright hair or 5 inch heels, go for that! If you feel uncomfortable letting him pay by all means pay your part – your discomfort weights the same as his. There’s literally NOTHING wrong with women wanting to get closer on the first date. If everything points in the right direction and there’s a common consent, why not?  If a grown ass man gets scared of the possibility of a good night kiss after a nice first date perhaps you’ll be better off with another guy to begin with. Maybe he lived in a cave and has never watched an american rom-com. Or series. Or talked to real people. Who knows.

Here are my tips to secure a second date with any man or woman in the world:

  • Be you.
  • Be honest.
  • Be comfortable.
  • Try to be nice and polite.
  • Enjoy.
Thank you so much for reading, talk toy you guys soon!


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